Is Perfection the same for everyone?

How would you take a comment, "You are a perfectionist". As a compliment or complaint? Well, I look at it as a veiled complaint. And that's what happened on the May 1st Friday morning, when someone at work made that comment.

Does perfection mean doing it right? Or following instructions to the the dot? What is perfect to me may not look even close to well done for someone else. So what does it really mean when someone say I am a perfectionist? Am I putting them off in any way? Stepping on their toes? Do I consciously  strive for perfection? In my mind, I am trying to do it right to my satisfaction. Do I think my satisfaction means this is perfect? Nope! I know the same things I do can be done better, differently, and in a shorter/longer time to different results by other people! So it is not perfection I am looking at, it is the joy of doing it - weather its cleaning windows or cooking dinner or finishing up my work. That's the only thing that matters at the end!

Give your 100% effort to what you are doing, and enjoy the process of doing it. See if this makes you feel happy, accomplished, and/or satisfied. Know the feeling when we eat a meal you love? Do you feel like that after doing something? or do you feel drained or anxious, and look for acknowledgement, appreciation from others? I think when we look for perfection, we may look for appreciation, praise and acknowledgement from others. We may set up ourselves for judgement, feel anxious and resent it later. If perfection means all these, I do not want any of it!

So what exactly is this perfection? Where does it exist? Perfection, very similar to beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Perfection is shaped by the individual experiences and expectations. Your perfection may not necessarily be the same for the one who is evaluating, looking, or experiencing your work of art, meal, reading your words or whatever it is you produce. And when you look for appreciation or acceptance, things may result in disappointment and resentment. Who needs that?

When I give my 100% in doing the things I enjoy, I am not aiming for perfection. I am doing it for the joy, the fun, the satisfaction of doing it - the result may be clean windows, a sumptuous meal, monthly paycheck, happy garden, etc. And all these things make me happy. Difference between perfection and personal satisfaction is very clear. From your lenses, if that looks like perfection, so be it. Life moves on!

நினைவுகள்

காலம் வெல்லும் காதல் எல்லாம்
கனவாய் மட்டும் கலைந்திட்டாலும்
நினைவின் நிழலில் என்றும் வாழும்
கவிதை வடிவில் உயிராய் மீண்டும்

எத்தனை தூரம் எத்தனை காலம்
எங்கோ ஒதுங்கி  மறந்தாற்போல
திரிந்தபோதும் மின்னல்  பொழுதில்
நெஞ்சம் நிறைக்கும் சின்ன நினைவில்

கொஞ்சம் போல ஓரம் வந்து
நெஞ்சம் முழுதும் பொங்கி நிறைக்கும்
வந்த பொழுதில்  என்னை துரத்தும்
அந்த நினைவை என்ன சொல்ல?

The Wanderer

The blindfolded warrior wanders
Into the depths of despair
Farther and farthest unbeknown
Lost into the darkest tangled forest
Infested with slimy slithering
Knotted bumps of rocky bushes
And amidst the echo of scathing menace
Drowns his moaning fears..
Wanders the warrior.

Alone...and lost-until
The streaming sense of rays
Bathes the darkness in intermittent flashes
Able hands unbinds the blindfold
Revealing the reveling luscious path
Winding amongst the darkness
Illuminated by the dancing rays
Wanders the warrior back.

John Donne's Compass

Moments, minutes, hours and days
Gliding unfathomably away...
Looking so deeply with unseeing eyes
Into the acute distance...
Thinking of the 'compass and gold to airy thinness beat'
Intense bursts of momentary loneliness
Humming amidst the daily conundrum-
Fills this void with a deafening silence.
The temporary void feels like a chasm.
John Donne's lines ring in the distant bell
Rest assured compass.
Hold on tight hinge.
'The leg that travels far, makes a full circle
And returns to the base'. 

Finding Home

Toggling between hope and reality
Tossed around in relentless waves
Surviving in moments, losing them-
Yet another loss and yet another...

Compressed despair of a vagabond warrior
Desperately depleted of life's purpose
Wanders in hazy circles
In a hamsters wheel or so he thinks.

Beyond, just beyond the hamster wheel
Beckons the purpose.
Look. Walkaway. Live your life.
Toss the despair. Ride the waves. Smile at the sun. Find your home.

Communications lesson on a weekend morning!

And so it started. The expectations. And the frustrations. Life revolves around a bunch of expectations. When we go to sleep, we expect to wake up. Sometimes it happens :) Start to drive to work expecting to arrive in 30 minutes. Many times this doesn't. We set our expectations around the norm. that limits the frustrations.

We can wake up at any time that works for us. But someone in the household builds an expectation on "your" wake up time. What happens next? Lets say your teenager expects you to wake up at 7 AM on a weekend for a pancake breakfast. And you wake up at 8. And ask your teenager to eat hot cereal instead. What happens?

Your teenager's expectations is not met. That builds frustrations in him. You, on the other hand, didn't know he had that expectation on a pancake breakfast. So keep doing what you usually do. This frustrated disappointed son just does not want to eat the cereal and throws a tantrum. You lose your cool. And the weekend begins.

If you and your son discussed the plan for breakfast the night before, you would have had a blissful weekend and a happy teenager this weekend. You didn't. So is it only you who needs to learn a lesson of asking before preparing breakfast lesson? Or your son needs to ask for what he wants before? May be you both didn't even discuss to communicate what you both had about breakfast in mind.

So what do you think would have made this day better? Communications. Communication as a mother and child. Communication within the family. We all live and work in today's world that exist as much connected and as much in silos. Thanks to technology. With all the social media, TV, cell phone, laptops and ipads blinking and glaring in a living room, communicating effectively and clearly with each other about the plans to tomorrow sets the expectations right. Keeps the frustrations at bay.

 

The uninitiated

Would you rather wish being
Washed away in a tsunami
To this ceaseless moaning of
Endless splashing?

The far away cricket on a
Silent sleepless night
Constant gnawing of
Something forgotten on a long road trip...

Its your speed that determines
Death or destination on a
Mountain road with a lot of
Gentle turns .


You are in and yet you are not
It is there... but not really so
For the uninitiated - its all the same -
Tornados , hurricanes and a gentle breeze....

சின்ன மகளே

சின்ன விரலால் நெற்றி தொட்டு
மின்னல் குரலில் நெஞ்சம் தொட்டு
பள்ளி செல்லும் அந்த வேளையில்
துள்ளும் கனவை என்னில் விடும்
சின்ன மகளே-
உன்னில் என்னை  வைத்துப்பார்க்க
உள்ளம் முழுதும் ஏங்கும் போதும்
அந்த எண்ணம் தூக்கி எங்கோ போட
விரைந்து வரும் நனவுக்காலம்-
நானாய் இருந்த காலம் கொஞ்சம்
தானாய் வாழ்க்கை பிடியில்
இறுகி இளகி சிரித்து அழுது
ஓடும் நாட்களில் ஓடும் கனவாய்  வேண்டாம் மகளே
நீயாய் இருந்து
நிஜமாய் நிழலாய் அனலாய் குளிராய்
எல்லா முகமும் நன்றாய் உணர்ந்து
ஓட்டம் நடுவில் அமைதி புரிந்து
சிரிப்பாய் சிறப்பாய் இருப்பாய் மகளே ....

Granted

Some days, life cruises by you when you are still trying to figure out what exactly went swooshing by. Some weekends are gone in a flash. Like this one. I had about a million things to do. Work, go with my son to watch him play, volunteer a little bit, visit a friend recovering from surgery, do some shopping to get the house ready for March, my best friend's visit, cook lunch, complete a bunch of assignments that I had agreed to complete.

And its almost 11:15 Sunday night. I am still trying to finish up my work. But not focusing. Too distracted. Life seems sometimes so taken for granted in all aspects. I hadn't called my parents this evening, neither my sister nor my friend. Cousin yes. he tried to explain forgetting something special...we all understand. Like I said, between running around and sick kids, life swooshes by. Its OK. As long as we care.

Hadn't washed any of the cloths from all the three laundry baskets. All three of them overflowing with cloths that need washing. Hadn't planned any of the weeknight's meal or shopped for fresh veggies. (Well stocked up of frozen veggies, so they'll come in handy). We have no apples or bananas.

We drove about 250 to 300 miles this week end only, for the practices, games, scouting and volunteering. I called a few of my friends here. Visited a couple between practices and driving back home.

I didn't make time to exercise this weekend. We ate an entire day of fast food yeaterday. No veggies involved... We shopped for another round of shoes and cloths for kids. In a few hours, the morning will be here. Another week of rushing and running.

Am I taking life for granted? How long am I going to run around like this taking my parents and my immediate family for granted? Letting other folks I care about, including my kids to take me for granted?
Where is the mutual-ness (is there a word like this?) in everything? The sharing, caring and support - am I taking that too for granted?

Kural-amutham

A tiny seed started couple of years ago, shows promises of growing to be a big banyan tree to provide a shady support for treasured Thirukkural. Bay area Fine Arts Thirukkural Competition 2015.

About 230 kids and adults. I am sure more than 1330 kural recited. Recited with meaning. More than $8000 in prizes. Its all from a little seed and a lot of water. If we look at the seed as the origination of thought, the water is the volunteer energy. A completely passion fueled energy motivates the young and not so young Tamil immigrant community in the bay area to revisit a tiny book with enormous meaning. I can only compare Kural with atomic power. Its just so small, 7 words of all, one and a half sentence long.

I was lucky enough to be there for a brief period to listen to an amazing 11 year old and another amazing mom J The 11 year old recited 100 Kural with meaning. And I could discern that she had a clear understanding of what she was saying from her confident demeanor. The friend recited 129. She is a busy mom of two kids, working full time and taking care of family. She still made time to learn,  and recite. What dedication!

Reading Kural is all about understanding and following. I hope the Bay Area Fine Arts continues nurturing the inspiration to learn Thirukkural among the Tamil community not only in the bay area, but slowly in all of the USA and all over the world.

The far away past...

Gently frozen memories of yesterday

Refuses to thaw in harsh sunlight

Cold, hard and not forgotten

In the deepest darkest chambers so faraway

Refusing to melt vaporize and vanish

In shafts of blinding sunlight…

Sending shivers of chilled memories

Sits that far away past-

Farewell

In a totally different context, we bid farewell to a bunch of folks at work today. A farewell that wasn't very fair. Or very necessary. We'll miss them.

When you stay and see your work buddies go, no matter how you worked together, there is a little unexplainable pain. There are times you go into total in communique, buried in work and life or in-between a combination of both. But they are there in the background doing their thing. Out of nowhere someone decides to go for lunch. You come out of the haze to enjoy the breezy sunshine of the people. Refreshing, rejuvenating, fun and interesting, all these. While having fun doing what you do, the load you pull becomes totally bearable with people who care for each other and care for what they do.

Yes, I know change is the only thing that never changes. We can never be eternally married to the work place. We might move on at some point and choose another path to walk and talk or walk the talk. Still it is sad to see friends leave :(

I wish they fare well after this farewell and life treats them fairly well.

Friends...

Its the little acts of kindness and little moments of sharing, caring and understanding can make random people we would not have otherwise known, as great friends for life. it can be a colleague, someone who went to school or college with you, a neighbor or your kids classmate's mom you met in school.

How does this happen? We may know someone for a long time.  But internally we would never connect at the same plane. Its strange how friendships are reciprocal, yet unbinding and non obligatory. Friendship flows like water, nourishing the landscape it flows, as it goes. Possessiveness and control can try to contain water, only to see the flow escape the boundaries when the pressure builds on.

Friendship helps you to be yourself while enabling a strong non-restrictive support and life long bonding.  Your orchard may be all apples and your friends orchard can be all pears.  You share the goodness of apples and pear all life long without forcing the other person to uproot his orchard to replace with the fruits you grow in your garden.

Distance or lack of it is never a factor in friendship. You can live thousands of miles away from each other, but still can share the love beyond the distance with simple acts of  love. An email, a phone call or a text is all that matters to keep in touch. While all these are not absolutely necessary to retain the friendship in your heart, these kind of sharing comforts the other person in times of need. You will never be too busy to do such things if you really care. But your friend does not expect this from you! That is the beauty and love we share in friendship.

Volcano

In the innermost recesses 
Lies the combusting coal...
Amidst the multitude of opportunities
To erupt into a fiery volcano...
Runs life seemingly orderly.
Some sneaky moments
When mundane guard goes down
Escapes steamy words
Shocking normal life - unaware.
And momentarily cools down on the exterier
Still combusting coal
Emanating unbearable heat 
Skillfully covered in the day to day sweat.

Housing Situation

I was sorting through mails and came across two shiny flyers. The kind made in glossy card stock paper from No. 1 sellers agents in the sought after area where we live – rather where we rent. Both flyers were screaming loud that they sold most of the homes for much more than the listed prices. Some prices were over 100 K or 150 K than the listed price. Some of them say cannot disclose how much more. The factor that got my attention was two words in green, in most of the transactions -  ALL CASH.

So who can buy a home for 1.5 Million in all cash? And why? How does this impact the economy? My simple knowledge about the US economy is that the financial institutions need to generate loans and revenue though interest to create a sustainable economy. Is that not true? What triggers the home pricing hike? Did a simple search for “United States Economy”. The following is a statement I found in one of the articles.

“A central feature of the U.S. economy is the economic freedom afforded to the private sector by allowing the private sector to make the majority of economic decisions in determining the direction and scale of what the U.S. economy produces. This is enhanced by relatively low levels of regulation and government involvement,^[as well as a court system that generally protects property rights and enforces contracts.”

Economic freedom has made a United States a highly sought after land for living from people all around the world. With the abundance of natural resources and opportunities, this country became home to millions of hardworking individuals who thought they could realize the American Dream and live happily ever after. It is a pity that at least three fourth of those who made this country home, cannot really afford to own a home for themselves. Just thinking a little more on this situation, what causes this? Is this governed by the law of supply and demand?

A recap of the law of supply and demand: “The law of supply and demand defines the effect that the availability of a particular product and the desire (or demand) for that product has on price. Generally, if there is a low supply and a high demand, the price will be high. In contrast, the greater the supply and the lower the demand, the lower the price will be.”

Personally I think US housing in some parts is governed by Surplus Money + Controller Demand + Opportunistic Greed, than the actual Supply and Demand in the market. Buyers with a lot of money from stock options or whatever, and out of country buyer who desperately wants to invest in the US are always willing to pay anything more than the listed price for a house. The hard working families with normal income pattern can only dream of a dream home forever.

Should there be some regulations in place? Should someone look at this situations? Or is this a situation created for a reason?

Change….

A tornado from nowhere, tsunami, hurricane, accident. Soil erosion, water levels, seasons, growth and aging.

All of these factors cause change. In human life. We change, grow, develop for better or worse in the process of life. Until one fine day, the eternal change removes us and then the traces, from being human on this earth. That again causes change in lives of our loved ones...and change. They move on.

What kind of change is more sustainable and digestible? The tornado type or the soil erosion type? From my perspective, it would the soil erosion type. It is not sudden, not drastic, not supremely disruptive. Yet, we are aware, it happens, is disruptive to the existing thing, and one day, in time, there will be something different than what is. New sand on the beach caused by erosion. Increased water levels and melted snow peaks. Hotter summer and warmer winters. We do see/feel traces of the change as it happens….right?

What makes me think about change today? A change that is not happening.

Well I had been discussing some potential proposals that could change stuff for the better. People listen, agree, understand, sympathize and are not going anywhere. So what happens when we are stuck in the past, a 15 years earlier time frame, style and presentation, and the rest of the world is sprinting onto 2015 with vigor and enthusiasm? When we hit stagnation in growth, and do not plan to change with time, a negative change, deterioration starts happening. The history that built momentum becomes the historical past.

What can we do? Any monumental change is not possible in a day. Start slow. Look around. Listen. Start little. Alexander the great conquered nations by starting at the peripheral territories. Start changing small peripherals, move slowly forward. When the peripheral change gains visibility, that becomes the proof of concept for the bigger change. Do not hold on to something that worked for you 15 years ago.

Revisit, review and revamp to rejuvenate. Embrace change.

பிரிவின் வண்ணம்

சற்றே இருளாய் -
கருமை படர்ந்த மாலை பொழுதாய்
தனிமை தொடர்ந்த அந்த நேரம்
எண்ணம் கலங்கி வெறுமை படர்ந்து
தூரிகை எடுத்து எண்ணம் வரைய
வண்ணம் குழைக்க -
எண்ணம் போலே குழம்பிய வண்ணம்
கோடாய் குயிலாய் மரமாய் மடுவாய்
எங்கோ சென்று எதிலோ முடிந்து
பொருளே புரியா புதிய படமாய் ...

கண்ணாமூச்சி

வாழ்க்கை பாதையில்
ஒரு பொம்மலாட்டம்-
சொல்லாத எண்ணங்களில்
தெரியாத வண்ணங்களில்
தொலைந்த கனவுகளை
தேடும் குருடர்களாய் ...
எங்கோ என்றோ நிரடிய எண்ணங்களை
இங்கு இன்று தொடாமல் தொட்டுக்கொண்டு
வார்த்தை விளையாட்டில்
வாழ்கை தொலைப் போமோ?

Morning Musing

I woke up this morning. Have roof over my head, a job, family, and more family back home that care for me and I care for. Have great friends. I am blessed. Thank God for these blessings in life.

There are times when life looks gloomy, hopeless and fearful. We are born and we die. We, as in us do not decide when we are born. Same way we do not decide when we die. So why would I let anxiety take over? Fear cripple my way?

Work honestly, communicate openly, appreciate little pleasures, live on, until the day we are ready to move on and make space for those lives that'll happen after us. That day can be anywhere - just a few feet away or miles. Waiting for that to arrive takes away the present.

Living in the present - thoughtfully, appreciatively, joyfully and thankfully, at the same time counting the little blessings, hoping for a future - not fearing for the future would be very helpful to find way through life, living it.
 

Relaxation...

A little farther way
Beckons the elusive relaxation
I'll reach you soon
Just one more chore
I'll finish and start.....
Relaxation listens and moves a little farther than that
Fold the cloths.
Do the dishes.
Tidy up kids room.
Vacuum the carpet.
Sweep the floor.
Just one more chore
I'm coming to you relaxation...
It seems to listen-
Ah the stove top.
Mop the floor.
Make the bed.
The bathroom?
Just one more chore.
Relaxation exasperated
Moves one step closer.
Oh no... not today...
I can't relax.
I am not completely done with my chore.
Its pickup time.
I'll pursue you tomorrow, relaxation.
Go relax.
Don't wait for me.