Fear.

My 4 year old said, "you know waht mommy, I'll die when I am seven years old". First time, I missed a beat for a moment. Horrified and in total fear, I explained, no baby - we do not talk about death. She said okey mommy. Today, driving her to school, I heard the same sentence repeated again from the back seat. Uncanny it is and gives me shivers to think...but I wonder where she has gotten this idea from.

I honestly do not know how to react. SImply told her, honey we all die oneday, but we do not talk about it. She asked why. What do I say to a almost four year old about death? I remember my no 7 yrs old talking about it. He simply asked me about death after listening too all of us talk about my young cousin who passed away. It was easy for me then, I told him people die when they get 100 years old. And he asked why she went to God early. My naive explnation of God does not want some special people to suffer ill health, sufficed at that point.

How can I explain to my 4 yr old that she is not supposed to nurse that idea and repeat the this conversation? After all I understand our life is so ephemeral. We neither know when we come and when we go nor where. WIth the kids of disasters on earth, tsunamis, earth quakes, fires and other horrendous crimes that take peoples life away everyday, I know we are not invincible - nor do I want to be that. But sometimes when it comes to unknown - I think ignoring the inevitable is better for our life on earth than fretting over.

So why does she make such statements and unleash such powerful sense of fear in me?

Identity?

I had this conversation with a few of my friends recently. They were surprised by the fact that I still use bindi and mangal sutra, even after beginning to work in a multi national environment on a 9-5 job. I don't know if they were trying to imply I am a conservative or so tight on my "old" practices etc. Though I need not have explained why i do all that, I did on the peripheral level. I do not know what everyone believes in and I do not plan to change any body's practice.

But as person, as an Indian from Tamilnadu, I have some beliefs and practices that has given me the identity. I value that identity and I am at Peace with who I am. I do not feel the need to change myself and my faith to live in America and respect this country. Do the women from middle east remove their head scarf just to mingle in "society"? We do not question them. It's totally agant personal law. And I respect them for not loosing their identity and still valuing this diverse nation.

I do not feel the need to stop using bindi or mangal sutra, to feel one among the citizens of America. The feeling does not come from external modifications. It comes from within. I care for my community, I take care of my surroundings, I do not litter, do not waste electricity or water, donate for good causes, I volunteer for my school, I do what I can for the society I live in. I think that makes me more of an American than not using Bindi or taking off my mangal Sutra.

Anybody with me?

On Budget and Schools...

Shaping the future pillars of soceity is very much in our hands. Looks like its just running away like the ginger bread man, so innocently to end up in some clever fox's mouth. Every time I meet up with a fellow mom, we do not start our conversation with the weather. Its "oh did you hear so and so is going to let go of next year?, Did you read about our school district? Did you hear about the class room size increase etc...etc".

As parents we all want the best for our children. As a community we all want to provide our children with the best education that can guide them through life forever. But when many devoted teachers are gone, and the available teacher's are left to deal with larger classrooms, how chaotic is the situation going to be? May be the principal and school district can justify it with a serious explanation of series of numbers. But what boils down is the confused kids, parents and equally confused teachers.

I heard from another mom that the school district is supposed to pay 3 million as fine to the state for increasing classroom sizes. I did not check this statement yet. But if thats true, is this a wise move??? First pay a 3 million fine and increase class sizes. The spend a few more millions on infrastructure to accomodate 33 kids in a class room designed for 20 kids. Then spend few more millions in training teachers to handle 33 kids instead of 20, they are used to. Does it make any sense? Not to me. Why not use all the money on the existing teachers in the same existing classroom set up?

Hello fellow moms, with school age children, any suggestions on voicing our thoughts and getting some help?

I have some Dreams...

Forgive me Dr. MLK, for borrowing your famous words. I neither aspire greatness nor flaunt erudite imagination. My simple encounters with life makes me dream big every single day. Some vanish in thin air, some stay strong - sending spiral waves through my whole being until I can stand it no longer.

I have some dreams, mostly basic, may be lofty....

For a world filled with people who care...

For a day I can be completely honest and not be snickered upon.

For the kids to listen to us on a single loving word. (Not make us steam so hard with frustration to get them eat a single meal, know where it comes from).

For us to take kids as kids and not loose cool at the simplest form of non responsiveness :)

For a world where equality in ALL form.

For a world where there is NO WAR.

For honest politicians who care for people in the real sense.

For Humanity to reign supreme vanity to vanish.

இதயம் நிரப்பிய
வார்த்தைக் குமிழிகள்
ஊமையின் அலறலாய்
உள்ளேயே தஹிக்கும்

இமைகள் நிரப்பிய
ஈரங்கள் கூட
இறங்க மறுத்து
அலையென பொங்கிடும்

நிஜமாய் தெரிந்த நிழல்கள் எல்லாம்

நிறங்கள் கரைந்து வெறுமை நிறைக்க

கனவுசுமையும் உள்ளே புதிதாய்

நினவுசுமையும் இதயம் நிறைக்கும்.

School Woes...

Can you understand trimming the roots and wanting the tree to grow tall, lush & healthy? I cannot. But that's what the country & the state are pushing the city & the school district do. Cupertino school district is one of the highly sought after, school district with good teacher student ratio, community and test scores.

But the latest announcement says they are going to lay off at least 30% of the teachers due to budget woes. Strikes a nerve at a place that hurts most. Imagine children cramped into a classroom with a teacher who can barely handle them with individual attention.

As a classroom parent volunteer I see how the teacher really have to be behind some students to get the work done - even in a 20:1 class. the teacher now makes sure every student gets the time and attention they deserve. Teacher can talk about every students pluses and minuses. If the class room size increases, how is this going to be possible??? I'm so sorry that our children are going to suffer because of something that we did not want happen. The war.

This monster's claws can reach out far and tear away the flesh with no conscience at all. We still call ourselves the best. I wonder.

Up in the Air!!!!!!!!!

This is what I call Up in the air :) A photo from San Jose Holiday Parade, 2009! Loved every minute of the parade and the enthusiasm the performers (most of them school kids around the bay area) showed on the cold gray morning, made even the dreary weather sparkle!