A few things really make me happy anytime. One of them is food. Its not just about eating. Food to me is a hobby, a relaxation, a concentration and in some senses a prayer. Though the follow-up activites such as washing the dishes and cleaning can be a drag - I just enjoy cooking. When I am stressed. When I am happy. When I am excited. When I am just simply plain myself.
Its one such a day today - just wanted to unwind. Got into the kitchen. An hour and few dirty dishes later - got Tandoori chicken, Pesto pasta with sun dried tomatoes, chicken strips and walnuts, marinara red pasta with over roasted mushrooms, red and yellow peppers, and kesari for dessert. All from scratch, my own recipes. Oh and Iforgot the garlic bread. The plain bread is of course from TJ. But added zesty garlic and olive oil then toasted in the oven.
So - here I am. Had my vegetarian pasta. Family just loved the rest. With green tea in hand, I am reflecting on what made me cook this enormous meal on a Friday night?? No idea. While I worked at Hitachi one of co-workers gave me a book - Like Water For Chocolate. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Like_Water_for_Chocolate. I just loved that book. How food is intertwined with lives - especially the protagonist.
Food and memories are part of my life, part of who I am. I associate food with almost everything. Even the smell, feel and the places I had some specific dish and people. I think of my athai and always connect her with those soft, oily, yummy delicious paniarams and excellet mutton curry. My MIL - always with that oh so good rasam and yam fry. My mom oh the food smells that my mom's memory brings back - I can NOW smell the paaal paniyaram and vadai that wafts from my mom's saree when talk to her misty eyed about going back after the vacation....
Food is good as long as we eat it. But when food starts eating us - i can't imagine.
Friday, June 29, 2012
A coffee drinker's story
The word change is the only thing that doesn't ever change. Yes, age old wisdom. Still it takes a long time for the human mind to accept the changes. Subtle changes. Big changes. Changes in attitude. Changes in friendship. Everything has an impact. It is within our control to understand, accept and move on from the effects of the impact.
When a simple every day routine as drinking coffee changes, the effects or impact of that changes reflects more on the mind, the mental state than the body. Oh well, yes I gave up drinking my coffee in the morning. Not a big deal. But I am a coffee drinker and I LOVE coffee in all caps, bold, underline. But what the heck - just gave up. Recently. It did affect my mood. The thought of not drinking coffee the very first thing in the morning....gave me all these thoughts - note they are only thoughts and not actual happenings.. "Mmm oh I am getting a head ache, oh I feel sleepy...uh oh I cannot focus" - all because I think I am not drinking that magic potion. Sometimes thoughts affect us more than the actual reality.
But now, I am not dying for it :) That change did affect me. It took me more days than I would have wished to accept and move on. Now that I have moved on, I can reflect on it and still be objective. Not crave for it. That does not mean I hate coffee. On the contrary. I still LOVE coffee with all bold, caps, underline, highlight every thing. But I am just not drinking it in the morning. Coffee ceased to be associated with my morning routine. It is still accessible. My husband still makes it in the morning for himself. I am around, can smell inhale the fresh invigorating aroma while attending to my chores in the kitchen. First few days I will still smell the coffee smell, inhale it and look at it longingly while he sips away. He will even offer me few sips which I started refusing for fear of getting hooked on again. Now yes I smell it. Yes, its there. But I am not tempted. I guess this is the ultimate existence that Buddha ( ah...trying to sound lofty here, am I? But lofty things do start from humble beginnings) learned. Being there and not being affected by it. Am I getting closer to getting mental maturity at last? Well that is a completely different discussion.
But going back to changes - yes. In our everyday life, we come across things, people, friends, work - things that really have an impact on us for various reasons. Some stay on with us. But some we want to stay on with us forever. But that is not always the case. Things perish. People move on. Jobs change. If we learn to understand that the changes are inevitable and though everything moves on and situations change, the memories we carry with them will stay on with us, enriching us and evolving us as we grow - we will be fine. Que Sera Sera.
When a simple every day routine as drinking coffee changes, the effects or impact of that changes reflects more on the mind, the mental state than the body. Oh well, yes I gave up drinking my coffee in the morning. Not a big deal. But I am a coffee drinker and I LOVE coffee in all caps, bold, underline. But what the heck - just gave up. Recently. It did affect my mood. The thought of not drinking coffee the very first thing in the morning....gave me all these thoughts - note they are only thoughts and not actual happenings.. "Mmm oh I am getting a head ache, oh I feel sleepy...uh oh I cannot focus" - all because I think I am not drinking that magic potion. Sometimes thoughts affect us more than the actual reality.
But now, I am not dying for it :) That change did affect me. It took me more days than I would have wished to accept and move on. Now that I have moved on, I can reflect on it and still be objective. Not crave for it. That does not mean I hate coffee. On the contrary. I still LOVE coffee with all bold, caps, underline, highlight every thing. But I am just not drinking it in the morning. Coffee ceased to be associated with my morning routine. It is still accessible. My husband still makes it in the morning for himself. I am around, can smell inhale the fresh invigorating aroma while attending to my chores in the kitchen. First few days I will still smell the coffee smell, inhale it and look at it longingly while he sips away. He will even offer me few sips which I started refusing for fear of getting hooked on again. Now yes I smell it. Yes, its there. But I am not tempted. I guess this is the ultimate existence that Buddha ( ah...trying to sound lofty here, am I? But lofty things do start from humble beginnings) learned. Being there and not being affected by it. Am I getting closer to getting mental maturity at last? Well that is a completely different discussion.
But going back to changes - yes. In our everyday life, we come across things, people, friends, work - things that really have an impact on us for various reasons. Some stay on with us. But some we want to stay on with us forever. But that is not always the case. Things perish. People move on. Jobs change. If we learn to understand that the changes are inevitable and though everything moves on and situations change, the memories we carry with them will stay on with us, enriching us and evolving us as we grow - we will be fine. Que Sera Sera.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Pensive
Sometimes the things that happen around us affect us more than we want to admit.
Yesterday, one of my husband's co-workers passed away at work. Before coming to work in the morning, he must have said bye to someone. Might have made plans for the evening. Instead of going back, he just passed away. Who can guess what was he working on, what was he thinking, what was he going through when he died in the men's room in the evening? Just when everyone were going home. And how would it have affected the person who found him in the men's room? How did the family receive that information? These questions will never get answers.
Life ceased for him in the most unexpected moment. He must have driven himself to work that morning. He definitely would not have expected that he had to hitch a ride in the hearse.
And then there was the news item about a barbaric activity in Miami. A man eating another man. Really. The cops who saw the scene had to kill the attacker. Victim was already dead. I will not go into the details.
Sudden deaths, serious accidents and inhuman activities really make me very very sad. I wonder on my wisdom of having kids. They are young and vulnerable. What if something happens to us and they are left alone in this world to face the odds? They have no relatives here. And we have no will. I am not even sure if they will ever be able to see their grandparents or any other relatives in India should some disaster strikes and they are left alone.
I know thinking these thoughts are never helpful. I also know we cannot stop the inevitable. What will be will be.
Yesterday, one of my husband's co-workers passed away at work. Before coming to work in the morning, he must have said bye to someone. Might have made plans for the evening. Instead of going back, he just passed away. Who can guess what was he working on, what was he thinking, what was he going through when he died in the men's room in the evening? Just when everyone were going home. And how would it have affected the person who found him in the men's room? How did the family receive that information? These questions will never get answers.
Life ceased for him in the most unexpected moment. He must have driven himself to work that morning. He definitely would not have expected that he had to hitch a ride in the hearse.
And then there was the news item about a barbaric activity in Miami. A man eating another man. Really. The cops who saw the scene had to kill the attacker. Victim was already dead. I will not go into the details.
Sudden deaths, serious accidents and inhuman activities really make me very very sad. I wonder on my wisdom of having kids. They are young and vulnerable. What if something happens to us and they are left alone in this world to face the odds? They have no relatives here. And we have no will. I am not even sure if they will ever be able to see their grandparents or any other relatives in India should some disaster strikes and they are left alone.
I know thinking these thoughts are never helpful. I also know we cannot stop the inevitable. What will be will be.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Destiny - Want vs Have
I strongly believe in destiny. That said, I am not the type to take the back seat and blame the driver for going in the wrong direction. I do plan my destination. Plan my route. And work on my route to reach the destination. But sometimes, though we work hard on keeping on the right track, our destination may be different from what we planned for. If I reach such a destination that I did not envision for myself, I always try to see how/what I can learn, enjoy, give or take from that destination. And I truly believe no one can take away what we do with what we have. Also what is ours will definitely be ours. We only need to look for and recognize it when it comes to us.
Why this now? I was talking to my friend this morning. She was very sad and upset over something that did not happen the way it should have happened. She had done everything she has to, follow all the rules and submitted the paperwork. Took a break, nice family vacation. And the rules changed. her papers are rejected. I understand her frustration. It is of course sad. Getting out of that frustration is easier said than done. But I just hate that "Why should it happen to me?" attitude. This self pity paves way only to more self pity and affects positive productivity.
Well it happened. First accept what happened. Then think how you can work on changing the situation. Explore other possibilities of making the situation work for you. If, after trying all avenues possible, a change seems absolutely impossible, just accept it. Life will not always give us what we want. And that is fair. if we start getting everything we want...well I am at a loss to think about the consequences to humanity. There will be no end to the outrageous atrocities in the human world. That is why we sometimes do not get what we strongly believe we deserve.
That said, my grandma used to tell me two of these Indian proverbs that roughly translated sound like these - "For every goat, God measures the length of its tail". "Even if you apply Castor oil all over and roll on the sand, only those destined to stick on you will stick on you" etc.
While I work hard to reach my destination, I am mindful of my journey, detours and deviations. If one of my paths are closed, I am sure there will be a detour. Just make sure to follow what is available and give your 100% to whatever path you choose. You will be where you have to be. The "where you have to be" and "where you want to be" might slightly differ from each other. But if you accept the have, the want will cease to exist. When want ceases to exist - life is filled with peaceful contentment.
Why this now? I was talking to my friend this morning. She was very sad and upset over something that did not happen the way it should have happened. She had done everything she has to, follow all the rules and submitted the paperwork. Took a break, nice family vacation. And the rules changed. her papers are rejected. I understand her frustration. It is of course sad. Getting out of that frustration is easier said than done. But I just hate that "Why should it happen to me?" attitude. This self pity paves way only to more self pity and affects positive productivity.
Well it happened. First accept what happened. Then think how you can work on changing the situation. Explore other possibilities of making the situation work for you. If, after trying all avenues possible, a change seems absolutely impossible, just accept it. Life will not always give us what we want. And that is fair. if we start getting everything we want...well I am at a loss to think about the consequences to humanity. There will be no end to the outrageous atrocities in the human world. That is why we sometimes do not get what we strongly believe we deserve.
That said, my grandma used to tell me two of these Indian proverbs that roughly translated sound like these - "For every goat, God measures the length of its tail". "Even if you apply Castor oil all over and roll on the sand, only those destined to stick on you will stick on you" etc.
While I work hard to reach my destination, I am mindful of my journey, detours and deviations. If one of my paths are closed, I am sure there will be a detour. Just make sure to follow what is available and give your 100% to whatever path you choose. You will be where you have to be. The "where you have to be" and "where you want to be" might slightly differ from each other. But if you accept the have, the want will cease to exist. When want ceases to exist - life is filled with peaceful contentment.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Random kids stuff...
What seems an ordeal today may potentially become one of the most cherished memories as the kids grow into adulthood and cease to be kids anymore. The morning breakfast. Every morning. On the table, flanked between these two - only to avoid any big ruckus in the morning to beat the traffic with four different schedule....
The things they say, the things they fight for - my day is done at 8. The rest of the hours I just pull myself through with sheer will power. Yes, the constant hum of a chorus noise can make my chores a serious drudgery.
More recently its always the tooth affair. Older A lost the tooth before hitting the general bench mark of 6 yrs. Little A didn't yet. Though the permanent tooth are already in there, she feels God is totally completely unfair that the brother bear lost tooth earlier than her. And picks on him for it every single morning. OMG. Can't believe the things these kids say. Starting from you are bad, your school is bad...I am the best, my school is the best. Seriously who ever wanted to send these two to different school??? Not me :( but I am the one that steps in to stop HWxxx (Home War - infinite) every morning.
You try to correct or discipline one of them...Then these two enemy territories join forces together and attacks you full head on. With all possible weapons - emotional, guilt trips and yes with whatever they can get hold of. Then it is " meanie mom, don't do that to my brother" "mom, she is only little don't be mad with her"...oh well I do enjoy these secretly. the attachment, love that runs underneath the sibling rivalry. Hope they stay that way forever.
One of these days, when they are out and about chasing life as we are doing now, i will be sitting and reminiscing over and cherishing these noisy morning break fasts, only in memories.
The things they say, the things they fight for - my day is done at 8. The rest of the hours I just pull myself through with sheer will power. Yes, the constant hum of a chorus noise can make my chores a serious drudgery.
More recently its always the tooth affair. Older A lost the tooth before hitting the general bench mark of 6 yrs. Little A didn't yet. Though the permanent tooth are already in there, she feels God is totally completely unfair that the brother bear lost tooth earlier than her. And picks on him for it every single morning. OMG. Can't believe the things these kids say. Starting from you are bad, your school is bad...I am the best, my school is the best. Seriously who ever wanted to send these two to different school??? Not me :( but I am the one that steps in to stop HWxxx (Home War - infinite) every morning.
You try to correct or discipline one of them...Then these two enemy territories join forces together and attacks you full head on. With all possible weapons - emotional, guilt trips and yes with whatever they can get hold of. Then it is " meanie mom, don't do that to my brother" "mom, she is only little don't be mad with her"...oh well I do enjoy these secretly. the attachment, love that runs underneath the sibling rivalry. Hope they stay that way forever.
One of these days, when they are out and about chasing life as we are doing now, i will be sitting and reminiscing over and cherishing these noisy morning break fasts, only in memories.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Experiences...
Experiences enrich a person like nothing else.
I don't know why, but for whatever reason I am reminded of so many people - call it a walk down the memory lane or ghosts from the past. But I do want to thank so many people who had helped me to be what I am today. My interactions with them, their reactions, my happiness, pain and suffering through all these, has helped me evolve into a confident person and a successful professional.
In life, I had an opportunity to do what I chose to do, from childhood. Because I was given the opportunity to choose, I also had to fail in more than one occasion because I made the wrong choices. Wrong choices according to the 'normal' ambitious people. But because of the choices is only I am what I am today! The education and the situations...simply toughened me up!
I had the golden opportunity to work with extremely different personality types. Very simple, straight forward type, professional but unfriendly type, helpful, professional and "live and let live" types, extremely personable, friendly but not very professional type, very thorough, detail oriented but completely controlling type etc etc. Though many of the situations are not ideal for a work environment, each of the situations had helped me tremendously.
I have learned to be courteous, professional, detached and still friendly. My accountability and responsibility are polished. I have learned the dos and don'ts by living through the dos and don'ts.
Though I have had people to guide me through times when I needed advise, I had forgotten those exact words with which they guided me. But I do remember the situations when something happened in some way and I or some one else reacted in some way. Based on the reaction, I also remember how the focus shifted from one common goal to multiple micro objectives.
Thank you every one, for being in my life, shaping me and helping me think through and becoming a better person.
I don't know why, but for whatever reason I am reminded of so many people - call it a walk down the memory lane or ghosts from the past. But I do want to thank so many people who had helped me to be what I am today. My interactions with them, their reactions, my happiness, pain and suffering through all these, has helped me evolve into a confident person and a successful professional.
In life, I had an opportunity to do what I chose to do, from childhood. Because I was given the opportunity to choose, I also had to fail in more than one occasion because I made the wrong choices. Wrong choices according to the 'normal' ambitious people. But because of the choices is only I am what I am today! The education and the situations...simply toughened me up!
I had the golden opportunity to work with extremely different personality types. Very simple, straight forward type, professional but unfriendly type, helpful, professional and "live and let live" types, extremely personable, friendly but not very professional type, very thorough, detail oriented but completely controlling type etc etc. Though many of the situations are not ideal for a work environment, each of the situations had helped me tremendously.
I have learned to be courteous, professional, detached and still friendly. My accountability and responsibility are polished. I have learned the dos and don'ts by living through the dos and don'ts.
Though I have had people to guide me through times when I needed advise, I had forgotten those exact words with which they guided me. But I do remember the situations when something happened in some way and I or some one else reacted in some way. Based on the reaction, I also remember how the focus shifted from one common goal to multiple micro objectives.
Thank you every one, for being in my life, shaping me and helping me think through and becoming a better person.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Farewell...New beginnings...
Farewells are not my cup of tea. Especially when its my best friend or the best place or even old tattered, but my best loved bag. I also understand the concept of new Beginnings. If we want to have new beginnings, we must say bye to the old ones. Otherwise we are shutting ourselves our of the future. Still farewells hurt. We move forward with memories, lessons and of course more people/friends we made in our journey.
Last week was one such week filled with not one, but two painful farewells. I had to bid farewell to one of my best friends and something else I really loved. When I say I "really love" - I know it involves pain. For Love, we all know encompasses an element of pain.
One of my best friends made the big decision to move back to India for good. Going back to India is not very new...I have seem my other good friends move and felt exactly the same way as I did last week. But last week was exceptionally emotional because that was someone I really did not think will go back :( But the tides have changes and the time came for her family to leave. So we said fare thee well at the airport. Hope her new beginnings bring her joy and peace.
And then I bid another farewell, to my dear work. Well I do have some new beginnings to make soon and I am sure that will give me new experiences, new people and new paths. The road not taken is always exciting to explore. But this time I will explore it with caution and learn to maneuver with the experience I got from my previous journey.
More farewells and more new beginnings...and life continues.
Last week was one such week filled with not one, but two painful farewells. I had to bid farewell to one of my best friends and something else I really loved. When I say I "really love" - I know it involves pain. For Love, we all know encompasses an element of pain.
One of my best friends made the big decision to move back to India for good. Going back to India is not very new...I have seem my other good friends move and felt exactly the same way as I did last week. But last week was exceptionally emotional because that was someone I really did not think will go back :( But the tides have changes and the time came for her family to leave. So we said fare thee well at the airport. Hope her new beginnings bring her joy and peace.
And then I bid another farewell, to my dear work. Well I do have some new beginnings to make soon and I am sure that will give me new experiences, new people and new paths. The road not taken is always exciting to explore. But this time I will explore it with caution and learn to maneuver with the experience I got from my previous journey.
More farewells and more new beginnings...and life continues.
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