Yet another random thoughts...

Oh well, here I am sitting with million things to do, and yet on the blog page. One of those random rendezvous that I rarely make these days...life happens. And another year is around the corner. A 2013 calendars make way to the 2014, kids grow, we get older one more year wiser or stupid, and life moves on.
I can count my blessings, yes. But accomplishments? That book I had been sitting on for over two years with a burning desire to publish but with little or no action....that desire to spend a relaxed weekend sprawled on the couch for one whole day with absolutely no chores to do....well I can list two whole pages of such things that can either be accomplishments or simple pleasures, but both elusively eluding me  in day to day conundrum.

Random

Agonizing moments of fiery frustrations

Traverses the path of frozen solitude

Tormenting the very being to the core

Lulled at times by the memories of lover’s lore…

Quenching love’s burning desire brings

Random remnants of thirsty longing

Blaring noise of a soothing music

Marks the silent sufferings of a lone lovebird

Carefree days...

When was the last time I saw my kids enjoying a care free day? In India during summer. Even there we had tons of family visits, doctor visits and temple visits....never let them sleep in.

Why is that the kids are equally, if not more, busy as the parents? Just a typical day - wake up, rush through morning, go to school, do whatever you do there. Get picked up from after school care- eat a quick snack and a carton of milk on the way to the next extra curricular class. Come home. While mommy is busy getting some dinner (mind you mommy is tired, hungry and could definitely use a cup of hot tea and some newspaper time alone for just 15 minutes, and still cooks a healthy meal and gets cranky if the kids don't like it), complete unfinished homework, do the extra work, beg to read a book, eat dinner at the table (OK - some 15 minutes before the bickering begins), rush through shower etc, get the backpack ready for tomorrow and get to bed to clock in sleep time. (Big deep breathe). Wow.

Rewind to some 20 odd years...OK not. rewind 30 years. Wake up, morning chores, eat, get dropped in school. Come back home bright and early right after school. Mommy got yummy evening snack and warm glass of milk. Go out to play. 6 Pm come back in. Do little homework. Eat. Sleep.

Life was so simple for me as a child. Got whatever I wanted with little fuss from my mom. If I wanted Poori for breakfast, yes it was there for me next morning, My kids? Poori has become a delicacy they get only on long weekends. 'Coz this run continues even on weekends - Saturday mornings are as crazy from 9 to 11 AM. 

Can I explain this run to the kids? What kind of competition am I preparing them? Are they having fun on this run? Do I dare asking them?

Unsorted

Too  many things keeps my mind heavily occupied, from mass shootings in Nairobi, Navy Yard and to the mundane human behavior. Trying not to hold grudges against those humans that show an indifference, trying to give 100% to my work that I enjoy, and another 100% to my mommy job, another 100% to my wifey job...life sometimes churns out moments of pure bliss, and of course super frustrations. Traversing between the peak and deep cliffs, I just want to hide in a cozy ravine...sometimes.

You know matters that happen keep sending deep ripples from the bottom. When I read the news paper, what I hear on the news instills a deep sense of fear. Fear for the human kind and the fear of the human kind. Fear for the world's new normal - the terrorism that is getting imprinted in everyone's every day life. When you walk out of the house for a run to the grocery store, when you go to the library, drop off etc, the uncertainty of what might happen, who would walk around with a weapon to shoot - gosh. I know this is crazy thought. But it was a reality at a school and a movie theater and a Navy Yard. I keep wondering about the so many freedoms we speak about.

Its a serious responsibility to teach our young generation so ingrained with the internet era that there were certain things in the world that they might want to think about to retain their sanity. Privacy. Respect. Honesty. Responsibility. Freedom - a freedom that ends where your neighbor's nose begins. You do not have to share everything from when you slept and when you ate - then everything in-between and some.

Are we heading towards anarchy where all values are lost?

Such are my thoughts....

Happy Mother's Day!

It's fun It's pain It's laughter It's tears It's hope it's fear It's love It's hate We know it all We brave it all Day by day Pretty smiles Warm hugs Gentle looks Mad rushes Quiet reflections... That's us, my friends... That's MOM!

Why?

Certain things grip the heart with intense sadness…a fear creeps into the very center of my being, unaware. I cannot help but read or listen to the news about an eight year old life, brutally taken away from this world, for no known reason. It is unfair. It is cruel. It is mindless. It is a lot of things I cannot find the right word to express or explain. One day, my child asked, “Would someone hurt a child, mom?” that questions echoes and reverberates the contours of my very being…

Is a second coming at hand? I try taking a refuge in WB Yeats…and automatically open this page…how aptly these lines depict the anarchy?

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity…

And Blake…

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

Countless other poems…but these do not bring peace to parents that lost the child. The child lost the life forever, but the fear this instills in the parents…boundless.

Why?

Life

In a constant buzz of churning
Memories at times burning -
It’s a burning that evaporates
No smoke and ashes elaborate

The building vacuum widens
In future path that’s mostly hidden
Though seems right there bright ahead
It’s yet, completely unknown

Is it the heart? Is it the mind?
Where feelings unwind?
Know not how, know not where
Breathing…thinking and so still here.