Thaali

I am definitely not talking about not what you order at a South Indian restaurant on a hungry afternoon.

Very recently I heard an observation on “Thaali” – the Mangal Sutra, the Western wedding ring equivalent of South Indian necklace. Someone said wearing it feels like having a dog leash on. To make sure to mark that the woman is the male owner’s property. I just felt WOW. This is a very interesting interpretation of the Thaali. Do married South Indian women, wearing thaali feel like it in general? So not wearing the thaali is a rebellion showing female independence?

Well....I never can compare thaali with dependence. Infact, it has liberated me in so many ways. But that is a whole different discussion. Now on to what I really wanted to share here...

Wearing or not wearing that ornament is a personal choice. Some married women living in western countries might find a long gold or yellow threaded necklace uncomfortable. It would not go with the outfits they wear, it might look odd at their work place and they might have chosen not to wear it. Yet another set might just not feel attached to thaali, an external element to prove their married bondage, love affection and whatever else they share in the marriage. Again personal belief and convenience. So if someone decides not to wear the thaali, its their choice. I understand.

What confuses me is yet another approach. This approach is, oh well I live in America. None of my friends wear it. So I will not. But if I go to the temple, or visit India or wear Indian cloths, I will wear it. I am truly not trying to judge, but trying understand this attitude. Is there a underlying confusion? Is there an element of feminist rebellion? Is that to prove something to someone? If yes, then who and what? I am fine with this approach as well, as long as they do not take a condescending take on those wearing the thaali. This uncalled for attitude is what confuses me. Why? if you make a personal choice and if that makes you happy, then go for it. What the other person does or doesn't is that person's choice...

A co-worker asked me something few months ago. I was eating lunch at the cafeteria with the team, where most of the members from India are vegetarians. I am not a vegetarian. And I was eating pasta with sausage. This non-Indian co-worker cannot believe that I, an Indian wearing bindi and a gold necklace, eating sausage. She asked me, “Are you not worried what your other Indian co-workers will think of what you are eating?”. I said, “this is my food. I am eating what I like to eat. So, I do not have a problem. If they do not eat meat, I respect that I will not comment on it. And if someone comments on what I am eating, I am sorry, but I don’t care.”

Doing what we believe in with conviction will be quiet, and will fit in naturally. Doing things to fit in will become pretentious…at some point.Something more on the same lines...