And...

2014 is already two months into and running on to March tomorrow. When I was young, I seemed to have time. Just like everyone else. I did school work, volunteered to teach, read books, played in the front yard, visited friends, went to school, did all in one day. Those days, when I had to wait for the weekend, I had to actually feel going to school for five full days. It feels different now. Its like the weekend never happens...week days neither. Clock just seems to be running out of control. Who invented the clock anyways?? Yeah Google will find an answer or Siri....no I don't need to know now. I need a break.

Its all one constant rush.

When was the last time I sat and played scrabble, anything with my kids? When was the last time I was not chasing my never ending list of to do items? Even now - the network is way too slow, the deliverable I need to post to preview is still not happening. Need to take a shower...who cares right? As long as the work gets done.

Looks like I am being consumed by work....mmm taking a step back and think? Well I do love my job - enjoy the little successes and can handle the little or major frustrations. But these past few weeks, I am numb.

 

Love

Passionate moments of lonely intensity
Fiery cold and biting heat
Ravenous heart filled with
Unsung music's blaring noise
Is loudest on the lonely afternoon-
Unsaid word's deepest meanings
Drifting in dangerous solitude-
Vanishes with -

A gentle breezy touch
A warm glistening look
Filled with Love. 

Memories live on

My periyappa passed today. On his Birthday. At a temple. My mom's older sister's husband. I am grief stricken. So far away. Can't do anything except think about my childhood and the warm memories that flood the cold reality. I cannot be there to mourn through the ceremonies. Cannot share my grief with anyone around, because those memories are only close to me.

Like everything else, this grief too shall pass. And we will continue live. I have spent an essential part of my childhood at my periyappa's house. He is not a man of many words. His caring affection and love can only be experienced. I experienced his affection in more ways than one. I wish my kids got to know him better.

Now all we got is a few pictures of him with me and my kids. I cannot think beyond today. Today will pass too.

காதல்

தஹிக்கும் குளிரை
அணைக்கும் நெருப்பாய்
நிழலும் பொசுங்கும்
அனலின் சுடராய்
நிஜமாய் இருக்கும்
பொய்யின் முகமாய்
பொய்யாய் தெரியும்
உண்மை நிறமாய்
காதல் கொண்ட
பெண்ணின் மனது
அவளே கூட அறியா பொருளாய் ...

Time and Little More!

Time is eternal. Time cannot be contained in a clock! Clock ticks for 24 hours and goes back to begin, just like the waves, going back and forth, back and forth tirelessly until one day we humans stop watching. Time is Time!

Time and again I am reminded of the eternity and ever changing continuity of time, and yet i forget. Forget this moment is NOT going to last forever, forget my time on this universe is so ephemeral, forget my kids are not going to be kids forever, forget this cleaning is never going to be done until I am obscure.

Its not philosophy and it is not poetry, but a plain simple understanding of reality. Nothing lasts. So yes, wake up! Add a spring to your step. If you want to do something do not wait until you HAVE to do it. Start now. Like I did. I wanted to write this blog when I read these lines in my own email. If I had waited as I endlessly did all of this past year, this would never have been written!

Yet another random thoughts...

Oh well, here I am sitting with million things to do, and yet on the blog page. One of those random rendezvous that I rarely make these days...life happens. And another year is around the corner. A 2013 calendars make way to the 2014, kids grow, we get older one more year wiser or stupid, and life moves on.
I can count my blessings, yes. But accomplishments? That book I had been sitting on for over two years with a burning desire to publish but with little or no action....that desire to spend a relaxed weekend sprawled on the couch for one whole day with absolutely no chores to do....well I can list two whole pages of such things that can either be accomplishments or simple pleasures, but both elusively eluding me  in day to day conundrum.

Random

Agonizing moments of fiery frustrations

Traverses the path of frozen solitude

Tormenting the very being to the core

Lulled at times by the memories of lover’s lore…

Quenching love’s burning desire brings

Random remnants of thirsty longing

Blaring noise of a soothing music

Marks the silent sufferings of a lone lovebird