Memories live on

My periyappa passed today. On his Birthday. At a temple. My mom's older sister's husband. I am grief stricken. So far away. Can't do anything except think about my childhood and the warm memories that flood the cold reality. I cannot be there to mourn through the ceremonies. Cannot share my grief with anyone around, because those memories are only close to me.

Like everything else, this grief too shall pass. And we will continue live. I have spent an essential part of my childhood at my periyappa's house. He is not a man of many words. His caring affection and love can only be experienced. I experienced his affection in more ways than one. I wish my kids got to know him better.

Now all we got is a few pictures of him with me and my kids. I cannot think beyond today. Today will pass too.

காதல்

தஹிக்கும் குளிரை
அணைக்கும் நெருப்பாய்
நிழலும் பொசுங்கும்
அனலின் சுடராய்
நிஜமாய் இருக்கும்
பொய்யின் முகமாய்
பொய்யாய் தெரியும்
உண்மை நிறமாய்
காதல் கொண்ட
பெண்ணின் மனது
அவளே கூட அறியா பொருளாய் ...

Time and Little More!

Time is eternal. Time cannot be contained in a clock! Clock ticks for 24 hours and goes back to begin, just like the waves, going back and forth, back and forth tirelessly until one day we humans stop watching. Time is Time!

Time and again I am reminded of the eternity and ever changing continuity of time, and yet i forget. Forget this moment is NOT going to last forever, forget my time on this universe is so ephemeral, forget my kids are not going to be kids forever, forget this cleaning is never going to be done until I am obscure.

Its not philosophy and it is not poetry, but a plain simple understanding of reality. Nothing lasts. So yes, wake up! Add a spring to your step. If you want to do something do not wait until you HAVE to do it. Start now. Like I did. I wanted to write this blog when I read these lines in my own email. If I had waited as I endlessly did all of this past year, this would never have been written!

Yet another random thoughts...

Oh well, here I am sitting with million things to do, and yet on the blog page. One of those random rendezvous that I rarely make these days...life happens. And another year is around the corner. A 2013 calendars make way to the 2014, kids grow, we get older one more year wiser or stupid, and life moves on.
I can count my blessings, yes. But accomplishments? That book I had been sitting on for over two years with a burning desire to publish but with little or no action....that desire to spend a relaxed weekend sprawled on the couch for one whole day with absolutely no chores to do....well I can list two whole pages of such things that can either be accomplishments or simple pleasures, but both elusively eluding me  in day to day conundrum.

Random

Agonizing moments of fiery frustrations

Traverses the path of frozen solitude

Tormenting the very being to the core

Lulled at times by the memories of lover’s lore…

Quenching love’s burning desire brings

Random remnants of thirsty longing

Blaring noise of a soothing music

Marks the silent sufferings of a lone lovebird

Carefree days...

When was the last time I saw my kids enjoying a care free day? In India during summer. Even there we had tons of family visits, doctor visits and temple visits....never let them sleep in.

Why is that the kids are equally, if not more, busy as the parents? Just a typical day - wake up, rush through morning, go to school, do whatever you do there. Get picked up from after school care- eat a quick snack and a carton of milk on the way to the next extra curricular class. Come home. While mommy is busy getting some dinner (mind you mommy is tired, hungry and could definitely use a cup of hot tea and some newspaper time alone for just 15 minutes, and still cooks a healthy meal and gets cranky if the kids don't like it), complete unfinished homework, do the extra work, beg to read a book, eat dinner at the table (OK - some 15 minutes before the bickering begins), rush through shower etc, get the backpack ready for tomorrow and get to bed to clock in sleep time. (Big deep breathe). Wow.

Rewind to some 20 odd years...OK not. rewind 30 years. Wake up, morning chores, eat, get dropped in school. Come back home bright and early right after school. Mommy got yummy evening snack and warm glass of milk. Go out to play. 6 Pm come back in. Do little homework. Eat. Sleep.

Life was so simple for me as a child. Got whatever I wanted with little fuss from my mom. If I wanted Poori for breakfast, yes it was there for me next morning, My kids? Poori has become a delicacy they get only on long weekends. 'Coz this run continues even on weekends - Saturday mornings are as crazy from 9 to 11 AM. 

Can I explain this run to the kids? What kind of competition am I preparing them? Are they having fun on this run? Do I dare asking them?

Unsorted

Too  many things keeps my mind heavily occupied, from mass shootings in Nairobi, Navy Yard and to the mundane human behavior. Trying not to hold grudges against those humans that show an indifference, trying to give 100% to my work that I enjoy, and another 100% to my mommy job, another 100% to my wifey job...life sometimes churns out moments of pure bliss, and of course super frustrations. Traversing between the peak and deep cliffs, I just want to hide in a cozy ravine...sometimes.

You know matters that happen keep sending deep ripples from the bottom. When I read the news paper, what I hear on the news instills a deep sense of fear. Fear for the human kind and the fear of the human kind. Fear for the world's new normal - the terrorism that is getting imprinted in everyone's every day life. When you walk out of the house for a run to the grocery store, when you go to the library, drop off etc, the uncertainty of what might happen, who would walk around with a weapon to shoot - gosh. I know this is crazy thought. But it was a reality at a school and a movie theater and a Navy Yard. I keep wondering about the so many freedoms we speak about.

Its a serious responsibility to teach our young generation so ingrained with the internet era that there were certain things in the world that they might want to think about to retain their sanity. Privacy. Respect. Honesty. Responsibility. Freedom - a freedom that ends where your neighbor's nose begins. You do not have to share everything from when you slept and when you ate - then everything in-between and some.

Are we heading towards anarchy where all values are lost?

Such are my thoughts....