Thaali

I am definitely not talking about not what you order at a South Indian restaurant on a hungry afternoon.

Very recently I heard an observation on “Thaali” – the Mangal Sutra, the Western wedding ring equivalent of South Indian necklace. Someone said wearing it feels like having a dog leash on. To make sure to mark that the woman is the male owner’s property. I just felt WOW. This is a very interesting interpretation of the Thaali. Do married South Indian women, wearing thaali feel like it in general? So not wearing the thaali is a rebellion showing female independence?

Well....I never can compare thaali with dependence. Infact, it has liberated me in so many ways. But that is a whole different discussion. Now on to what I really wanted to share here...

Wearing or not wearing that ornament is a personal choice. Some married women living in western countries might find a long gold or yellow threaded necklace uncomfortable. It would not go with the outfits they wear, it might look odd at their work place and they might have chosen not to wear it. Yet another set might just not feel attached to thaali, an external element to prove their married bondage, love affection and whatever else they share in the marriage. Again personal belief and convenience. So if someone decides not to wear the thaali, its their choice. I understand.

What confuses me is yet another approach. This approach is, oh well I live in America. None of my friends wear it. So I will not. But if I go to the temple, or visit India or wear Indian cloths, I will wear it. I am truly not trying to judge, but trying understand this attitude. Is there a underlying confusion? Is there an element of feminist rebellion? Is that to prove something to someone? If yes, then who and what? I am fine with this approach as well, as long as they do not take a condescending take on those wearing the thaali. This uncalled for attitude is what confuses me. Why? if you make a personal choice and if that makes you happy, then go for it. What the other person does or doesn't is that person's choice...

A co-worker asked me something few months ago. I was eating lunch at the cafeteria with the team, where most of the members from India are vegetarians. I am not a vegetarian. And I was eating pasta with sausage. This non-Indian co-worker cannot believe that I, an Indian wearing bindi and a gold necklace, eating sausage. She asked me, “Are you not worried what your other Indian co-workers will think of what you are eating?”. I said, “this is my food. I am eating what I like to eat. So, I do not have a problem. If they do not eat meat, I respect that I will not comment on it. And if someone comments on what I am eating, I am sorry, but I don’t care.”

Doing what we believe in with conviction will be quiet, and will fit in naturally. Doing things to fit in will become pretentious…at some point.Something more on the same lines...

On human rights...1. Religion

We all have our right to religion. Whatever religion we follow is our choice. We can follow anything we believe in. Following a religion, does not mean hurting the others that do not follow the same. No religion talks about hurting others.

We do not have the right to ridicule or make fun of other religions as well. As much as what we follow is ours, what others follow is theirs. Being sensitive to faith and belief is one of an important survival requirement.

Live your life your way, and let others live their life their way. Never get behind the superiority feeling. Because truly absolutely everyone is the same. We may believe in lot of different things. But we all need food when we are hungry, sleep to stay healthy and love to keep us going. NONE of us can live without these three human needs. Then how can someone be a superior or inferior to someone else?

Above all - all humans die. Immortality is not even a remote possibility, even with all the science and technology. Knowing that we all die one day, someday...sooner or later...why be unhappy?

Pain

What makes a child pout and scream? What triggers a toddler hit another? What causes an elementary school kid bully? Why does a teen hurt? What makes someone just shoot at random? What made someone create the disastrous nuke that haunts innocents even today in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Why did a meticulous plan made unsuspecting humans die a gruesome death on 9/11? And why does people so inhumanly treat fellow humans in SriLanka and Syria and all over the world???

Anger? hatred? madness? It all stems from one human...and works its way into the society, and spreads like a forest fire in perfect dry, windy, hot condition. Of course hatred and anger are hot red feelings. As those feelings churn inside a human, they burn everything around and inside...

From time immemorial, as far as the humans have a tractable history, we have had anger, hatred and of course war. But back them people had a reason, motive to kill. The wars happened in the outskirts and the innocent citizens were protected. Now that we are evolved in everything, killing innocents is the new revenge. If someone gets mad, they decide to take a gun and shoot at random - killing normal innocent, completely unconnected human beings...and when another country wants to take it out, just drop a bomb or find some innovative way to mass destruct. Even within the same country, things that affects us so strongly happen and people live and die through it...

Isn't it simply crazy to think about? It was 9/11 yesterday and a family that lost found a hand written note from that person, apparently he wrote and threw out the window before dying. His bloody thumb print was DNA checked to confirm it was him who wrote it. It was his last attempt to reach our to humanity while suffering God knows what amount of pain and anguish...God I shudder to imagine such pain. And this family thought he had died a sudden death. The anguish this note causes is true not to just that family but every single one lost in every single gruesome incident. And every single human being who still have sensitivity to fellow human.

I still want to believe this is a peaceful place to live and try all I can to impart the value of humanity to my children. But I cannot erase the agony of living in the world especially, in this dream turned nightmare.

A Prayer

If we know the answers for the "if"s and "but"s of our lives, we will have no "why"s. Sometimes certain things happen. We know that hurts. From our perspective, its extremely unfair. We also know that God has a reason. That is if we believe in Him. But why? Why should something happen to someone...anyone? Why not give life, let live and take away the life when time comes? Why the suffering, pain for the one who goes through and for those around? Nope - Its no use asking. Its again the unexplainable mystery of God, Nature or whatever...

Just heard someon I know is in a phase of serious suffering. I have seen that in my family as well. This suffereing, like a crab, hides and surfaces at its will from unknown regions. When you hear such information what do you Pray? I tried praying. Really. But was at a serious loss of words... what to ask for...do I ask for cure? My pramatism knows its really a long road filled with pain and even more suffering. So do I ask a free from pain phase? I know what it means. God its so painfully confusing.

Now God, whatever your plans are, just take care and give strength to the sufferer and all those around to deal with it and come out in peace. Give them light to see you and feel you. In moments of pain and anger, let them come closer to you and not far... I know not what to ask...I know you have your own reasons...So God, you do what you think is best and take care of the mortals in the way that will bring us much closer to you in spirit and being.

காதல்

காற்றைப்போலே எங்கும் நிறைக்கும்
நினைவே மெல்ல  நெஞ்சில் வருடும்
காலம் என்பது கனவாய் கரைய
வாழும் நாட்கள் நனவில் நிறைக்க

நாட்கள் வாரங்கள் மாதங்கள்
வருடங்களும் கூட கடந்த போதும்
காதல் தந்த சொந்தம் என்றும்
இதமாய் சுகமாய் இனிதான சுமையாய் ....

Impact

Banging, crowding, shuffling
Thoughts flood the mind...
These random moments with
Rapid bustle of words paralyzes.

Yet another news
Just another post
Stops not these waves
Flowing at a will of its own.

That something...

That something keeps returning-

A momentary monument
A monumental moment
A gentle lingering warmth
A sudden shivering cold...

Life's passing moments
Simple forever pleasures
Confusingly complex feelings
Accumulates making me what I am...

I live many lives a day.
The person I am
The person I want to be
The person I wish I was
The person I might be if I did...

Through everything
This something keeps returning
That keeps me going
The bittersweet memory...

That shadows me forever.