A few things really make me happy anytime. One of them is food. Its not just about eating. Food to me is a hobby, a relaxation, a concentration and in some senses a prayer. Though the follow-up activites such as washing the dishes and cleaning can be a drag - I just enjoy cooking. When I am stressed. When I am happy. When I am excited. When I am just simply plain myself.
Its one such a day today - just wanted to unwind. Got into the kitchen. An hour and few dirty dishes later - got Tandoori chicken, Pesto pasta with sun dried tomatoes, chicken strips and walnuts, marinara red pasta with over roasted mushrooms, red and yellow peppers, and kesari for dessert. All from scratch, my own recipes. Oh and Iforgot the garlic bread. The plain bread is of course from TJ. But added zesty garlic and olive oil then toasted in the oven.
So - here I am. Had my vegetarian pasta. Family just loved the rest. With green tea in hand, I am reflecting on what made me cook this enormous meal on a Friday night?? No idea. While I worked at Hitachi one of co-workers gave me a book - Like Water For Chocolate. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Like_Water_for_Chocolate. I just loved that book. How food is intertwined with lives - especially the protagonist.
Food and memories are part of my life, part of who I am. I associate food with almost everything. Even the smell, feel and the places I had some specific dish and people. I think of my athai and always connect her with those soft, oily, yummy delicious paniarams and excellet mutton curry. My MIL - always with that oh so good rasam and yam fry. My mom oh the food smells that my mom's memory brings back - I can NOW smell the paaal paniyaram and vadai that wafts from my mom's saree when talk to her misty eyed about going back after the vacation....
Food is good as long as we eat it. But when food starts eating us - i can't imagine.
Friday, June 29, 2012
A coffee drinker's story
The word change is the only thing that doesn't ever change. Yes, age old wisdom. Still it takes a long time for the human mind to accept the changes. Subtle changes. Big changes. Changes in attitude. Changes in friendship. Everything has an impact. It is within our control to understand, accept and move on from the effects of the impact.
When a simple every day routine as drinking coffee changes, the effects or impact of that changes reflects more on the mind, the mental state than the body. Oh well, yes I gave up drinking my coffee in the morning. Not a big deal. But I am a coffee drinker and I LOVE coffee in all caps, bold, underline. But what the heck - just gave up. Recently. It did affect my mood. The thought of not drinking coffee the very first thing in the morning....gave me all these thoughts - note they are only thoughts and not actual happenings.. "Mmm oh I am getting a head ache, oh I feel sleepy...uh oh I cannot focus" - all because I think I am not drinking that magic potion. Sometimes thoughts affect us more than the actual reality.
But now, I am not dying for it :) That change did affect me. It took me more days than I would have wished to accept and move on. Now that I have moved on, I can reflect on it and still be objective. Not crave for it. That does not mean I hate coffee. On the contrary. I still LOVE coffee with all bold, caps, underline, highlight every thing. But I am just not drinking it in the morning. Coffee ceased to be associated with my morning routine. It is still accessible. My husband still makes it in the morning for himself. I am around, can smell inhale the fresh invigorating aroma while attending to my chores in the kitchen. First few days I will still smell the coffee smell, inhale it and look at it longingly while he sips away. He will even offer me few sips which I started refusing for fear of getting hooked on again. Now yes I smell it. Yes, its there. But I am not tempted. I guess this is the ultimate existence that Buddha ( ah...trying to sound lofty here, am I? But lofty things do start from humble beginnings) learned. Being there and not being affected by it. Am I getting closer to getting mental maturity at last? Well that is a completely different discussion.
But going back to changes - yes. In our everyday life, we come across things, people, friends, work - things that really have an impact on us for various reasons. Some stay on with us. But some we want to stay on with us forever. But that is not always the case. Things perish. People move on. Jobs change. If we learn to understand that the changes are inevitable and though everything moves on and situations change, the memories we carry with them will stay on with us, enriching us and evolving us as we grow - we will be fine. Que Sera Sera.
When a simple every day routine as drinking coffee changes, the effects or impact of that changes reflects more on the mind, the mental state than the body. Oh well, yes I gave up drinking my coffee in the morning. Not a big deal. But I am a coffee drinker and I LOVE coffee in all caps, bold, underline. But what the heck - just gave up. Recently. It did affect my mood. The thought of not drinking coffee the very first thing in the morning....gave me all these thoughts - note they are only thoughts and not actual happenings.. "Mmm oh I am getting a head ache, oh I feel sleepy...uh oh I cannot focus" - all because I think I am not drinking that magic potion. Sometimes thoughts affect us more than the actual reality.
But now, I am not dying for it :) That change did affect me. It took me more days than I would have wished to accept and move on. Now that I have moved on, I can reflect on it and still be objective. Not crave for it. That does not mean I hate coffee. On the contrary. I still LOVE coffee with all bold, caps, underline, highlight every thing. But I am just not drinking it in the morning. Coffee ceased to be associated with my morning routine. It is still accessible. My husband still makes it in the morning for himself. I am around, can smell inhale the fresh invigorating aroma while attending to my chores in the kitchen. First few days I will still smell the coffee smell, inhale it and look at it longingly while he sips away. He will even offer me few sips which I started refusing for fear of getting hooked on again. Now yes I smell it. Yes, its there. But I am not tempted. I guess this is the ultimate existence that Buddha ( ah...trying to sound lofty here, am I? But lofty things do start from humble beginnings) learned. Being there and not being affected by it. Am I getting closer to getting mental maturity at last? Well that is a completely different discussion.
But going back to changes - yes. In our everyday life, we come across things, people, friends, work - things that really have an impact on us for various reasons. Some stay on with us. But some we want to stay on with us forever. But that is not always the case. Things perish. People move on. Jobs change. If we learn to understand that the changes are inevitable and though everything moves on and situations change, the memories we carry with them will stay on with us, enriching us and evolving us as we grow - we will be fine. Que Sera Sera.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Pensive
Sometimes the things that happen around us affect us more than we want to admit.
Yesterday, one of my husband's co-workers passed away at work. Before coming to work in the morning, he must have said bye to someone. Might have made plans for the evening. Instead of going back, he just passed away. Who can guess what was he working on, what was he thinking, what was he going through when he died in the men's room in the evening? Just when everyone were going home. And how would it have affected the person who found him in the men's room? How did the family receive that information? These questions will never get answers.
Life ceased for him in the most unexpected moment. He must have driven himself to work that morning. He definitely would not have expected that he had to hitch a ride in the hearse.
And then there was the news item about a barbaric activity in Miami. A man eating another man. Really. The cops who saw the scene had to kill the attacker. Victim was already dead. I will not go into the details.
Sudden deaths, serious accidents and inhuman activities really make me very very sad. I wonder on my wisdom of having kids. They are young and vulnerable. What if something happens to us and they are left alone in this world to face the odds? They have no relatives here. And we have no will. I am not even sure if they will ever be able to see their grandparents or any other relatives in India should some disaster strikes and they are left alone.
I know thinking these thoughts are never helpful. I also know we cannot stop the inevitable. What will be will be.
Yesterday, one of my husband's co-workers passed away at work. Before coming to work in the morning, he must have said bye to someone. Might have made plans for the evening. Instead of going back, he just passed away. Who can guess what was he working on, what was he thinking, what was he going through when he died in the men's room in the evening? Just when everyone were going home. And how would it have affected the person who found him in the men's room? How did the family receive that information? These questions will never get answers.
Life ceased for him in the most unexpected moment. He must have driven himself to work that morning. He definitely would not have expected that he had to hitch a ride in the hearse.
And then there was the news item about a barbaric activity in Miami. A man eating another man. Really. The cops who saw the scene had to kill the attacker. Victim was already dead. I will not go into the details.
Sudden deaths, serious accidents and inhuman activities really make me very very sad. I wonder on my wisdom of having kids. They are young and vulnerable. What if something happens to us and they are left alone in this world to face the odds? They have no relatives here. And we have no will. I am not even sure if they will ever be able to see their grandparents or any other relatives in India should some disaster strikes and they are left alone.
I know thinking these thoughts are never helpful. I also know we cannot stop the inevitable. What will be will be.
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