Time

As the time slips into eternity never to return...I reflect on the upcoming New Year and all that, that had passed.

year after year, second after second we do make resolutions and that is not what is on my mind just now. Its not only the meaning of life and death that amazes me often. It is also everything in between. The broken promises, lost friendships, forgotten talents...in the pursuit of money and material happiness.

I am of course involved in that pursuit and very much journeying the direction of material happiness, career bliss, harmony at home etc etc. Still I want to take time to reflect upon all that I am blessed with and all that I long for. And all that I had lost.

The very human existence is just a huge piece of puzzle and we always miss the two basic pieces to complete. Wonder what are the missing pieces ever, anyone? The LIFE and DEATH. Where do we come from and what happens after. And without that knowledge the puzzle is never complete. yet, even with the broken puzzle we are so stuffed with attitudes and everything else - we forget we are just one piece of incomplete puzzle in the universe...

Oh well....whatever it is, I have to stop. Because I am not even half way done with cleaning the kids closet...then I got think about dinner...And life goes on.

Time...

...slips into eternity, never to return. Every second ticking away dutifully not stopping to pause or wait or stay.

What we do and how we live sometimes gets into auto mode. We forget to notice not just time, even life slipping by. To wake up with a sudden jolt at moments and then again to be buried into mechanical inertia.

Spark

A spark can both burn down or enlighten. Depends on how the spark originates and is handled. However it originates, the power of creation or destruction are endless. It is how we handle the fire, gives the result. Sometimes it enables us to cook a fabulous meal, read a beautiful book, light an entire city, or burn down a lush green forest forever.

Bharathi wrote in beautiful Tamil "Agnikkunjondru..." I feel I cannot bring in the feel and power of those four lines by translation. But while thinking back on the sparks - too many are let to die un attended...

I wonder how ever to bring the light out from the darkness. What??? Bring light out from dark?? How can darkness engulf light? When it is clouded by dark smoke or darker clouds we cannot see the light right? In smoke and cloud, even light can be hidden behind darkness. Some darkness, such as ignorance and arrogance are such strong clouds that they can hide even the brightest sparks.

With gentle breeze of wisdom, strength, and the determination of the waves, navigate the smoke away to enjoy a sweet brightness.

Choices

To be or not to be is an every day dilemma for every single human in every waking moment. From what to wear to work, what to pack for lunch, do I need to say yes or no to something in life. Its the choices that we make at those moments shapes our everyday destiny. So the relationship between the dilemma, destiny and choices can define what we want to be from what we are.

For most of us, what we want to be is entirely different from what we are. And most do regret the choices made. Most often the choices are not reversible too. The underlying factor? Make choices and stick with them. How to make the choices? Think, discuss, analyze and decide. But after deciding - don't think, discuss or analyze the decision. Nope - that wont help you or the person you are discussing with. You can do all these three with further actions, but not about the decision itself.

Being happy with our own choices or working to be happy with our choices will definitely help us to be content. And being content is the first step towards enjoying the moment and appreciating life.

Nature

It was a lovely reprieve from the fast paced everyday reality. The woods were simply gorgeous, romantic and so very real with marks of human invasion. Who planted all those sequoia trees all over the region? Very famously known as the red woods – after recently reading the native American history and life style, all through the train trip – I was completely immersed in the life, beauty and hardship of aborigines in America, India and elsewhere. How close they lived with nature…and how they co existed with nature. After standing with me on the open observation car, looking at the tall trees all the way to Northspur.
My son asked me – “Mom, why do we cut the trees? Can we not just use the naturally fallen trees to make paper? And use something else for other things?” Well though I didn’t have a reasonable answer, I am happy to see an environmentalist in the making. I got to admit – the fear of unknown is much stronger driving in the night through the dense thick lush and dark forest with no light other than the car headlights. Can’t beat the sense of scared adventure J
I feel close to God when I am closer to nature (and without the chores to remind my human existence that is)!!!

On demand

Can everything in life be on demand? What about family and friends? Some times for some folks everything including these two basic features of human existence seems to be necessary only on demand. And that makes me wonder - how does it make the person being approached on demand feel.

May be for the first few times, its OK. If the one that is approaching on demand is really in need of support....and after the need it satisfied, the friend or family vanishes into oblivion. What triggers that sudden outbursts of needy clingyness and equally strong estrangement?
When they approach to unload, never once do they ask if its convenient to the other or do they have time, or are they doing well etc, etc. This truly makes me think on the purpose of investing time, energy and honest caring to the person.

May be in future, we will have businesses such as "Friendship On Demand" and "Family On Demand" booming. Are am I being ignorant of any existing businesses like that now?

Safe Haven

And so it began....Reading Nicholas Sparks. Reading has always been my safe haven. So on a rainy day in dull spirits, I started Nicholas Sparks' Safe Haven. Well as a Danielle Steel fan - I do read a mixture of books, from Dante to Danielle Steel.


Now hooked on to this writer I have never read before. Apparently he has been on the bestsellers list. But after my unhappy encounter with Eat Love and Pray I tried to stay away from books that are hailed as best sellers :). I started considering best sellers as a big no no - though my mind of reasoning kept telling me not all best sellers are like "Eat Love and Pray". I did like "Three Cups of Tea"....

If you are looking at some light reading to get entertained during travel, waiting etc...Niccholas Sparks can sparkle the time away.

Loss

It hurts the darkest recesses of heart
Dealing with it becomes an art
Enigmatic realizations of the end
Engulfing waking moments with no mend

Sudden bolts of bittersweet moments
Fills minutes with dazed remnants
Silent screams fill the air
Like a dumb singer memories fare...

An enchanting enigma...

...was Steve Jobs. Right to the very end. His charisma, business sense and beyond everything else, the gleam of naughty genius in the eye...everything was amazing, simply AMAZING about Steve Jobs. The fact that I lived in the same city as him, I am able use the products he launched from the podium wearing the iconic black turtleneck and the almost impish grin, is a memory I will keep close to my heart until my end. He was indeed the most successful and fiercely private person. his guarded secrecy about everything and shunning the celebrity status, made him be the most wanted in the techie world. his enigmatic nature enchanted the tech world and more. His vision, conviction and courage - vastly unknown to the world came to light in his end. In his end he attained the beginning of a fame he would have avoided. The outpouring of love on his death - is completely believable. rest in peace Steve Jobs. We love you.

A dream and a nightmare...

When I learned about America, I was in awe of the American Dream. For those of you wondering what an American Dream was here is the little definition from Wikipedia:

"In the definition of the American Dream by James Truslow Adams in 1931, "life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement" regardless of social class or circumstances of birth.[1] The idea of the American Dream is rooted in the United States Declaration of Independence which proclaims that "all men are created equal" and that they are "endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights" including "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.""

I believed in it and came here to live the Dream. Slowly the dream is turning into the nightmare. I was looking for life of equality, fraternity and comradeship where everyone lives and let live. Today most die and let die - kill.

The bitterness, failure, economy, anger, frustration that is so wide spread in America is completely unbelievable. Whatever has happened to you America?? What chaos is engulfing the once glorious land of freedom? The stock market meltdown, real estate meltdown, job market meltdown...all these meltdown has melted the human emotions and stripped the humans into barbarians...

Where do we have the power? What’s the law? What happens to law abiding citizens? GOD - it’s crazy to think about. Now anything can happen anytime. I just don’t mean the nature's delicate balance and natural disasters...I am talking about all random people owning gun and shooting at anyone they want to shoot. What requires a person to own a gun? What government lets its people own guns? Deadly weapons are deadly. Simple. So why have them at home?? The politicians talks about laws for abortion, circumcision and what not. But no one talks about abolishing the gun ownership in common man.

What triggers me to write this? This morning we woke up to the sounds of helicopters and cop cars flooding the corner of our street. An armed person shot at people at random at a meeting and killed 2, wounded many...my heart goes out to people that lost their lives. They are dead and their family will live in fear, memories and unjust anger. The suspect is still at large - 7 hours after the shooting. What madness has come upon the human kind? The mere anarchy not only scares me but question the wisdom of having kids - what do have to give them? Fear? I don’t know.

Their lives should be filled with love, good memories, good people, like a happy dream. Instead the world turns it into a nightmare...God Help Us and the world.

Musings...yet another...

There is time and then there is the 'sense' of time. Time seems to be vanishing behind the routine but then it seems to be on a standstill. I have not accomplished anything great, I have not accomplished anything bad. On wel;l, that is pretty good - no bad, no hurts and no pain. But, I haven't even spent time with the family. Looks like I am being a robot, operated by the demands of work and family - not really paying attention to both.

We go on and about everyday and things happen - time just moves on. What impact do we make in our lives and in the lives of others that depend on us? Primarily the kids...how many days have I skipped reading to the daughter? How many days have I told myself "I should check the homework every night" in the past three weeks? So I feel we still have the time elemts but its the lack of the sense of time that makes thigs slip by - we notice but pretend as if we do not.

A very mysterious enigma

....is the human mind. Such is life. Science cannot decode life, the human mind and attitudes. Who has ever tried to decode the mysterious depths of the thought process of a single human mind? Being a human - a sensitive human that cares for the fellow human, has brought me to many potential situations of totall embarrassments and baffled moments of silence. Oh well...it makes life interesting and also makes me feel so unbelievably stupid for being what I am. The intricate human relations that brings on a possessive entanglement to the cohabitants.... The utterly self centered nature that keeps everything else except the "me', devoid any emotional balance toward the rest of the world... The unnatural sense for call for power, money and everything else that gives humans the total material advantage... Being a part of this world IS very intricate and complicated at times. And trying to surface for a breath of fresh air with like minded, sensitive and not to selfish individuals is what keeps one going as long as the forces of nature and life let us walk over the earth.

Whats with the world?

It is staggering and insanely bothering. I am putting off reading the Merc until after everyone sleeps because of the intensity of the messages the articles conveys. And yes, my family calls me the wimpy. Because I get upset or worried about stuff that does not matter to me. How can the stuff not matter to me? We can be a tiny little particle in the Universe....we do live on this earth and have a convoluted responsibility to where we live. And I DO believe the things happen around us, DOES affect our lives in one way or another, directly or indirectly, if not today then another day.

W.B. Yeats comes to my mind almost everyday these days...

"Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosened upon the world
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity."

Some poets are by all means prophets.

The natural disaster and on top of it the nuclear one in Japan...
The passionate intensity of ONE man that floods the streets with blood in Libya...
The never ending conflict and outbursts of agony in the middle east...
The eternal politics that ensnares reality and tramples over general public in India...

on top of all these things...I do read about the gun and crime on our local streets here. How is it possible for a teen to own a weapon and use it at their own discretion????

Whats happening?

Compromises

Life is not exactly a bed of roses (by the way, is a bed of roses is of whole roses or just the petals? The reason behind this question is, if its whole roses, we might still have hidden thorns)..

Is life an everyday reckoning to handle with as much force as possible and try to defeat it? Is life a journey, that is not really under our control - that we need to float with the flow and go where the currents take us? Is life an experiment to try, find out and live? What if an experiment fails and we have no more chances to retry the same, as often happens?

Well well looks like I am sounding as morbid as can be...thats not the idea.

Sometimes things do not happen the way they should or the way that is more productive and positive. Or even the way we think is good for everyone around. How does a human nature react to being challenged in an unexpected unfair manner?

I have so many questions like this all the time....mostly without any answers. Is it common and am I just getting older?