But once we live...

We know neither where we came from nor where we are headed, but we are here, now and that's only once. May be we can say our origin is our parents. But that scientifically explained fact is still a mystery to me.

Life cycle, highs and lows with all the ups and downs never fail to baffle me. People, Human being - I consider a wonderful creation of God or supreme being tend to deviate from being human many a times. From my perspective - based on the understanding of life - not hurting a fellow human being, with words or deeds - can give a general peace. Simple, isn't it?

But today's world seem to think otherwise. An unsuspecting teen who answer's the knock on the door is shot. Spouses cheat on each other. Moral values are so old fashioned. Everywhere the wanting for more is so much.

So how and what do we achieve in our journey to nowhere?? What are we accumulating through this journey? Literature has called life a drama - we're all but players. Excuse me as much as I love literature, I beg to differ. Life is a great journey - that starts from the separation in womb, goes through multiple layers of separations until one fine day we separate from this world to we don't know where.

So as we are very faimiliar with the shortness, suddenness and unexpectedness of our departure to nowhere - don't you think we all should be happy to have a life as long as it lasts and spread the happiness and goodness around? Instead of making our lives a living hell for ourselves and the world at large??

From unexpected quarters...

I had taken my car for an oil change this morning. A small nearby store with an aura of friendliness and good service. Ever since we moved here, we have always taken our car here. Instead of dropping off the car and walking back home, i decided to sit and read my newspaper in a corner while they worked on my car.

The gentleman in the store offered coffee which I gratefully accepted. And a nice warm cup of fresh coffee warrants conversation. I don't remember how we started about disciplining today's children, the feeling of entitlement that's so prevalent in today's children, the feeling of guilt in parents etc etc. he was telling me how his daughter successfully disciplines his grandchildren. And told me "I just gave my daughter one lesson, a lesson that was handed down to me by my dad - Never try to discipline your child when you are angry".

Wow I had a feeling of enlightment! I think as parents mom or dad - we try to do exactly that and cry foul if the children do not listen to us. That gentleman today told me that walking away from what might become a parent/child confrontation and approaching the situation with calm sensible questions and answers will make the child understand that parents mean business!! How very simple and true!! I have read many parenting books and I'm sure they all professed the same thing - but it never struck a note as it did today!

We learn life's important lessons from every single person we meet, that is if we care to look closely and understand!

A situation

Should I call it delicate or tough??? Tell me someone!

We were taking a freeway from some exit today while driving back home. Out of no where my son made an inadvertent comment - this is the way we take to go home from my friend's place. Ah...we exchanged glances. Dad told the boy - you know they do not live there anymore. That ensued more questions. I determined to keep quiet for once.

Do they still live in this city? Why did they move out? Do they still live in California? Well I think its very hard to explain certain phases of life to very young children. Understanding separation, living with one parent and not getting to meet a friend - all these can add a lot of questions to inquisitive minds and may be a lot of fears even. So how to I tell my boy that his friend is in a particular phase in his parent's lives and that is why you don't get to meet him at all these days?

Pray some...

I had to listen to few conversations in the past two days. Conversations that so disturbing about the intriguing inevitability. Yes, you guessed it right. The same inevitable we do not want to discuss, but always have at the back of our minds. About an accident and cancer...and death.

What really happens after death? This question nags me sleepless sometimes. Well accidents - any accident I come across in real life, or the accidents I hear about and read about always bring back memories of the dear one lost years ago. Couple of days ago a person was robbed of life in the middle of his biking on De Anza boulevard. Who can imagine what were his plans for lunch? Or where was he coming from at that fatal intersection? And what would be the predicament of the individual who had to be the cause of a fatality? I passed that spot about 2 hrs after that had happened. And travelled 16 years behind in memory - to the accident that changed my outlook on life. The exuberant young boy we lost in a similar fatality. Life does have a lot of quetions un answered.

Ah the conversations...two people I know were talking about one of their family member's over night nightmare dianosis and how that had categorically changed her life. A person who was considered very healthy one fine day is diagnoised with Stage 4 cancer. She is dealing with the blow - the whole family is systematically supporting her throu chemo and other gruelling things required.

Cancer doesn not stop its claws with older adults - a child barely 6 yrs old is going through life changing treatment for recovery. How very cruel it is for the parents to see their child suffer the pain and how agonizing....

And here we are complianing about the season and every day little things..I pray god to give me the Peace of mind with whatever he has blessed me with and the compassion to pray for those people who suffer. God, Give them the confidence to tide over and please Take care of them.

A heart breaking holiday.

With veteran's day around the corner, my son was singing "No schooool Wednesday, we're ooofff". I asked him why do you think you have off on Wednesday. "Oh its veterans day mommy". next moment"Daddy what are we doing on Wednesday?"

Well again that was enough to set me off on a lecture on Veteran's day. Suddenly I realized the little mind was too cramped with information about World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War, War memorial that we visited in Washington DC and a lot of other stuff I was rattling off.

And now reading through today's Mercury News Local news section, I read about the San Francisco Veteran's day event and Google's VetNet. The magnanimity of those selfless people caught me dumbfound. I am able to sit in my room and type whatever i want to because some one is risking their lives to keep this nation fearless. We're able to wander around on the Golden Gate Bridge any time we want because some one again is braving hostile climates to protect our nation from those who might want to destroy us.

Dear GOD, I can only imagine the pain and agony of those parents, wives, brothers, sisters, children and friend's of those loved ones lost in war. Even to think of their losses is so heart wrenching. Those getting deployed to Afghanistan do not know if they are coming back. They still do not fear to go. And those who have come back from wars past have their lives irrevocably altered by what they saw and did in those wars.

I hope the magnanimity of veteran's day is not diminished by retailer's sale ideas. Now that this nation so diverse with immigrants culture, I wish someone takes the initiative to teach the children of today about the significance of Veteran's day. This is not just yet another holiday. Let us do some little thing, at least a little prayer to keep our people in uniform safe.

How Friendships work...

I got rather an interesting fwded email today with the title:

"HOW FRIENDSHIPS BREAK ? "

This is what it said:

"Both Friends Will Think The Other Is Busy
And Will Not Contact Thinking It May Be Disturbing..
As Time Passes
Both Will Think Let The Other Contact
After That each Will Think Why I Should Contact First ?
Here Your Love Will Be Converted To Hate
Finally Without Contact The Memory Becomes Weak
They Forget Each Other."

Well as usual that unleashed scores of long locked away thoughts and memories! The fwd was rather interesting!

Life had taught me many lessons on friendships. And I had let many lessons pass through, without recognizing the impact. But a few lessons, I had learned the hard way and still learning - not intend to forget them ever - just to save some sanity! God has blessed me with few good friendships - and here is how I think friendships work.

Any friendship is a two way track! A railway track that is. We share, care and respect each other and stay together until the very end. Does not mean we have same interests, same faith or same kind of life. If we have same feelings for each other - thats what make us a nice railway track that can carry our friendship till our final destination.

Friendships are built on trust! Once we become friend's with some one, we do not let any other person sway our trust on our friend - somewhat similar to a marital bond. We trust each other.

Friendships are open! We need not pretend to our friend. If we start doing it - then the friendship doesnot exist there. If we have a question about or for the friend, we sld be able to discuss it in the open with the friend - and not talk about it to a third person.

When friendship is present between two individuals, Ego is absent. Friendship and Ego are mutually exclusive. We do not hurt our friends by words, actions and /or thoughts. If we inadvertantly do - we do not hesitate to say sorry.

And like my favorite poet Robert Frost says, we maintain our own fences - keep our space to ourselves and respect our friend's space. We do not encroach upon their cherished corner. Playing nosy poky and being possesive are sure fire ways to endanger a good friendship. "Good fences make good neighbors".

And yes, Friendships do need nurturing. But does not mean that those not nurtured die. Lives can take friends far away from each other. We can try to keep in touch. In this world of social networking, keeping in touch is not a tough issue at all. But what about those that are not touched by social networking kind of stuff?

I beleive, if we are able to be in touch with our friends - its great. But as machine of life churns on - we are barely left with time to deal with our everyday rumblings. So if we're out of touch with a friend for a long time and call suddenly one fine day - its pleasure that seeps through the conversation. We both feel happy about that call. We may not talk to each other for another year. In this case - the feelings of friendship does not die.

But when we as people nurture friendships in heart it does not die. But when we let ego take the reins, friendship takes back seat and rides too far away to return. God bless good friends.