Paradox...?

Away from home, on a business trip, all alone for three full days. Well I wish for it very infrequently when the kids drive me crazy. But when it actually happens, sitting alone in your hotel room, with all the time in the world to do whatever you want to do, all you can do is to think about the family. I am away...well not really. Oh what did they have for lunch....are the shoes scattered everywhere, were they picked up on time...are they missing me etc etc, thoughts that crowd my mind and I am staring at the CNN channel and newspaper spread in front me me.

Darn it! come on hey wake up...you wanted to be away from them and you got the opportunity. Enjoy that. Relax. Take a Walk. Read the W.B Yeats you had unread for about 3 years now. Oh no, she threw up this morning..s she coming down with a cold? Or is it a new kind of virus that is going around...oh when is the school winter program? oh shoot, what time is it??? Run into the shower, rush through the process...phone rings...oh no I am getting late for the session. Oh where is the relaxed morning that I was thinking to have alone? huh? Relax? well...shove down the breakfast buffet...resist the urge to call yet again to see if they are ready on time to school...all the while smiling and making small talks to the people on the breakfast table.

Well..its a whole different story at the training sessions...I am so engrossed, I forget the coffee breaks! I am not even aware that I am away from home, so love the product that I am working on right now and all I can think about is ways to get to the nuances that were so elusive before...What exactly is it that keeps me at both poles? the mommy paradox?